I see that everyone’s apologizing about something all the time.

My line of work allows me to dispense easily with whatever latest umbrage taken by the Twittiots and Loserbook users and various scurrying bots clamoring for an apology.

I have two stock replies to any demand for an apology, either of which should suffice:

“The customer service window, by definition, is for addressing the needs of paying customers. In ten years, I’ve never received a customer complaint. The ticket dispenser is still on ‘0001.’ ”

“The rules of your failed society have no applicability here in my theater. Leave them at the door.”

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