I don’t understand. How would United Analingus get its asshole fix?

A bipartisan bill introduced in Congress Tuesday would end government spying on ordinary Americans by repealing the Patriot Act as advocates rush to reauthorize the law’s most controversial provisions before a June deadline.

The Surveillance State Repeal Act, introduced by Reps. Mark Pocan (D-Wis.) and Thomas Massie (R-Ky.), would overturn the 2001 Patriot Act that allowed for mass government surveillance in the name of anti-terrorism and the destruction of any information collected under it. The bill also would repeal the 2008 FISA Amendments Act, which allows Internet spying, and would stop the government from forcing tech manufacturers to compromise encryption or privacy features to allow spying on their devices. Whistleblowers like Edward Snowden, who exposed the National Security Agency’s mass surveillance in 2013, would have additional protections.


The jurisdiction is hooked on that musky scent and the occasional piece of corn. The assclown organization verily needs the Patriot Act so that it can continue to eat shit, something that all decent Americans want it to do anyway. See? That would be my brilliant lawyer argument if I were the Solicitor General or whatever, arguing the government’s case before the Supreme Court. “Dearest esteemed members of this fine nation’s body of be-robed mental giants: However shall the United States government comply with the public’s earnest entreaties to eat shit if we don’t have easy access to assholes? Hm? I rest my case.”

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.