“Firestorm.” “Backlash.” Every welfare recipient with a smartphone has voiced his opinion on Trevor Noah.

Inside my mind, I like to entertain myself with thoughts of precisely which brand of tap dancing Comedy Central would employ to explain away the select hot peppers plucked from my routine over the past ten years.

“Yes, it is true that Mister King did state on one occasion that Jews would make excellent spaceship fuel. But we would like to draw your attention to Exhibit 14, wherein Mister King states –and I quote– ‘Am I Jewish? Jewish and gay –who needs that kind of disability?’ And if you cock your head and think about it, you can see the compliment in that.”

What the average person does not understand is that the professional comedian must always sharpen his skills. Many of those skills are not directly related to the end product, which is the comedy part, but are practiced in service to what I would call “housekeeping.” That includes making sure that the show goes off on time, getting people in their seats, escorting drunks out, getting the show back on track after some minor medical emergency in the audience, things like that.

The skilled comedian must remain keenly aware of precisely what to say to calm an audience down and get them back on track. So the comedian will deliberately practice losing his audience so that he may then practice winning them back. There is a whole lot more going on with the comedian’s material than meets the eye. He will have his own professional considerations to attend to.

So how can these Twittiots possibly know what Mister Noah was up to? I guarantee you that for every one clock cycle he may expend making you laugh, he’s expending another five just on housekeeping matters.

Ignore them. Carry on with the show.

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I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.

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