I got myself a new gig, as you know. I house-sit for a couple and I take care of their six dogs, all of which are rescue dogs, one of which is both blind and deaf. It’s a pretty good gig, the best thing to happen in my professional life in some years. Of all the applicants, I was hired because I was the only person that the dogs didn’t bark at.

I trust that my state secret of a legal staff are handling this right to travel issue. I understand perfectly well that, until this issue has been resolved in the courts, the state is obligated to continue issuing tickets if a cop sees my car on the road. I get that part. It’s the touch pee pee game.

But if that car ever gets towed, or if I ever get arrested, we’re gonna have six hungry dogs go without food and water for several days. And I will lose that job.

If my ability to earn a living is in any way compromised, I will roll cop cars. I will instruct Saunders to drive south and then immediately back north.

So I suggest that the lawyers in my audience make this issue go bye bye. I win. I don’t need any sore losers.

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.