Prison » Wash. State Passes Law Requiring Warrants for Stingray Use

Washington state Governor Jay Inslee signed into law Monday legislation requiring law enforcement to obtain warrants before deploying IMSI catchers, commonly referred to as Stingray cell phone interceptors.

The suitcase-sized devices, which operate by mimicking a cell tower, force nearby mobile phones into sharing specific data including location and identifying information.

The bi-partisan bill, HB 1440, passed both the House and Senate last month without a single no vote.

In the federalist system that we have, the federal jurisdiction is not supreme. It is supreme within its sphere. It is supreme within its subject matter jurisdiction. Likewise, the states are supreme within their spheres, within their subject matter jurisdictions. The two varieties of jurisdictions –the federal jurisdiction and the several states– work together to accomplish some joint function. It is a major misconception that the federal jurisdiction is always supreme. Even if one were to desire that the federal jurisdiction always reign supreme, as a matter of practicality it’s probably inadvisable because of the federal jurisdiction’s penchant for torture chambers and cum parties.

In short, do you really want that stomach-churning, corrupt organization calling the shots?

It is the function of the several states to defend the rights of their citizens. So this bill to require warrants for the use of Stingray cell site simulators is perfectly appropriate.

And in the future, you will see the more responsible among the several states arresting employees of that inferior, barf-inducing assclown jurisdiction for violating the rights of that state’s citizens.

The states need to jealously guard their jurisdiction. If they don’t, the feds will snatch it and then they’ll be roaming unsupervised through your territories, putting bags on your citizens’ heads and making them jack off while the feds jump around and laugh and hoot and holler like monkeys at a monkey party.

You’re not going to want that garbage jurisdiction being supreme. Because if you do, it’ll be a race to the bottom in this country.

If I were a state governor, I would at all times remain briefed on the whereabouts of all United States employees. I would keep an eye on them as if they typhus patients. I would take an extremely dim view of that idiot jurisdiction’s abuse of my citizens. And I would warn all United States agencies within my territory that their useless employees will be indicted and arrested for the slightest violation of the law.

The feds are not your friends. The federal jurisdiction is foreign to the state jurisdictions. It is the nature of a federalist system. Start acting like it.

The Vermont State Police, for example, learned their lesson about deferring to the feds. Their lesson was this: When the feds come to town, it’s not because they want to help you. It’s because they intend to commit a crime.

I’m still waiting for that idiot organization to figure out who put that 7-series compressor on Murray Street. You’re dealing with a bargain-basement jurisdiction. I mean, you know that, right? Why would you defer to that trash heap on anything?

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.