That torpedo is still hunting, Senator.

Your jurisdiction launched it upon declaring me to be a domestic terrorist for my legal status as a state United States citizen. Its launch would ultimately prove singularly unwise.

I cannot secure for myself a comedy career, nor can I safely contact my family and friends as long as that jurisdiction of yours considers me to meet the definition of that term of art “terrorist.” I need that status discharged one way or another.

Whereas your genius jurisdiction accorded me the status of terrorist as a means of enhancing tax revenue in the face of my standing on my legal status as a state United States citizen, within the arena of the income tax your jurisdiction WILL discharge that slur upon my name.

Your idiot jurisdiction has thirty days to indict me for tax evasion and/or willful failure to file, or your idiot jurisdiction will provide a piece of paper attesting that I, as a state United States citizen, residing outside the territorial jurisdiction of United States and whose income does not derive from within the territorial jurisdiction of United States, am in no way liable for the federal income tax.

I want those precise words used. That piece of paper may then be attached to your idiot jurisdiction’s designation of me as a domestic terrorist, for the purpose of demonstrating that there are legal advantages to claiming the legal status of state United States citizen. Those legal advantages, now recognized by the Justice Department, would then seem to contradict the FBI’s clumsy contention that such a legal status constitutes terrorism.

And I additionally need that piece of paper because everyone knows that the Justice Department would never secure a tax evasion conviction against someone whose net worth is something less than three thousand dollars. If and when, ten years from now, I start making money in show business, I don’t want that disingenuous organization trying their hand at a tax evasion indictment of a wealthy man, they rattling their chains and moaning and groaning to the jury about how the defendant is just greedy and doesn’t want to pay his fair share in the upkeep of this fine nation.

I know all the tricks.

Your idiot jurisdiction pulled the trigger. And all things must be discharged.

I cannot begin to convey to you how much I enjoyed inveigling your idiot jurisdiction to blow itself sky high.

Thirty days. The Justice Department will put up or the Justice Department will shut up.

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I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.

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