Yes, it is true that my legal arguments rely upon arcana.

The word ‘arcane’ does not mean frivolous. It does not mean novel. That is why you’ll need to consult your finer lawyers about my arguments.

I do not intend to be mysterious or abstruse. But you need to understand that I received my law education (such as it is) in the cellar of the law library at Stetson University for the price of a library card, an education read out of law books that were leather bound, falling apart in my hands, the very volumes before me having been printed in the early to mid-1700s. The Enlightenment thinkers personally tutored me. I heard their voices as they spoke those centuries ago. They were just old fuddy duddies, you see. That’s why they were in the cellar. No room upstairs among the titles in demand such as “Defiling Your Environment in Three Easy Steps,” “Hibbledee Jibbledee Dibbledee Do: I Drained the System Dry and So Can You,” and “If You Can’t Dazzle ‘Em With Brilliance, Baffle ‘Em With Bullshit: A Prosecutor’s Guide to Smearing Your Filth All Over That Once-Beautiful Machine of a Legal System.”

I will not have my arguments dismissed as frivolous by lawyers who were trained by hucksters in the proper methods of draining the system dry or bamboozling a jury.

____________________________________________________________________
I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.

Advertisements