Senator? I need something from that smelly ol’ wino that you call a jurisdiction.

My casual accounting tells me that United States has one week remaining in which to indict me for tax evasion and/or willful failure to file. The idiot jurisdiction has only had twenty years to do this. So I’m guessing another week won’t make their case. I’ll go ahead and declare victory over the IRS right now.

So I need a legal determination from that piss-stained vagrant of a “jurisdiction” that I am not required to make or file a tax return. And I want a refund of all backup withholding that was ever taken from me over the past thirty years. With interest.

And since your idiot organization now understands at the highest levels –again, thanks for the stage– that state United States citizens earning income outside the territorial jurisdiction of United States are in no way liable for that indirect tax, especially considering the legal fact that the Sixteenth Amendment conferred no new taxing authority, then that legal status could not possibly be the foundation for your idiot jurisdiction’s contention that I am a terrorist. In short, just because I can read a law book and lazily point out that I have the legal status of nonresident alien relative to United States for tax purposes, that doesn’t make me a terrorist.

You idiot jurisdiction cannot make illegal that which is legal by other means just by calling it terror.

And I need proof from your idiot organization that I am not a terrorist. I need it so that I can furnish it to prospective show business employers who have been scared off by your piss-stained stewbum of a jurisdiction in its blinding ignorance of law in its contention that minimizing one’s tax liability is terror.

I’d like that piece of paper within a week.

Your jurisdiction is a piece of trash. It makes no sense. No rational person spends a whole lot of time trying to make sense out of nonsense.

Remove that smelly old bum from my existence.

Thank you.

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.