I am no longer suspected of using an unassigned license plate on my car.

Because the last time I got pulled over (the official reason for doing so was the lack of an inspection sticker on the windshield, an inspection sticker I cannot even theoretically get because you need insurance to get an inspection sticker, but I can’t buy insurance –and I have tried, trust me– because the state has fraudulently bamboozled the insurance companies into thinking that everyone’s a driver, either licensed or unlicensed) –anyway, where was I? The last time I got pulled over, the cop says, “Did you contact the DMV to assign this plate to this car?”

“No. I’m sure the governor’s aware of it.” And I guess he was, because I didn’t receive a ticket for having an unassigned license plate.

So it seems that the DMV has assigned that license plate (which came off some other car of mine) to my ass-hauling Volvo 850 Turbo Estate which would smoke fully ninety-five percent of the cars on the road.

I will remind everyone that that Volvo is in no way registered with the state of Vermont. I have that plate on that car only so that I don’t get harassed. That car is registered with my legal construct of a principality called United Sovereigns of America, and I need the legal record to reflect that. That is, I need there to be a poison pill if the state of Vermont ever chooses to examine the matter in court.

I need my legal staff to erect legal tripwires that connect my Volvo with United Sovereigns of America, and then on to the Capta Brightstick Document. In short, I need you to create legal tripwires that call into being a sequence of legal events that results in the deaths of two jurisdictions if any law enforcement agency anywhere in this country ever arrests me or tows that car.

Thank you.

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I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.

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