Senator Leahy. Come here please.

I would like you to file a lawsuit against the Justice Department. I demand one of the following: an indictment for tax evasion, or a legal determination that my failure to pay federal income tax for the past twenty years is not a crime.

See, I know all the tricks in use over at that clever guild of yours. What these lawyers do is they dream up new legal terms of art to include “tax protester” and “terrorist.” They thereby attempt to make illegal that which is legal by other means. The idiot organization is representing me to be a terrorist because they’ve pronounced me to be a tax protester because they don’t like the fact that I can read a law book and that I am Vermont Strong (R).

But you can’t be a tax protester if you’re not liable for the tax. There’s nothing left to protest against.

And since I can’t therefore be a tax protester, then I can’t very well be a terrorist, now, can I?

That’s why I need the trial. Or the determination. I don’t care which. But I demand one or the other.

I’d like one of them within thirty days.

I’m tired of that idiot organization of a “Justice” Department maligning my good name and scaring off the high-class trade.

Thank you.

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.