Alert. Alert. College egghead detected, Sector Four.

Wouldn’t it be funny if Donald Trump and the wildly popular feminist comedian Amy Schumer joined forces and ran on the same presidential ticket in 2016?

You might not think this duo has much in common, but they certainly share similar views about Mexicans. Whether joking or not, both draw on shared cultural stereotypes and use dehumanizing language that gives life to an ecosystem of racial fear and violence.

Comedy has always played an instrumental role in advancing social justice, in pushing society to look into the mirror, to reflect on the inconsistencies and contradictions. Schumer herself has shined a spotlight on rape culture, misogyny and sexism. But when it comes to race, she betrays this tradition. Blind or not, joking or not, Schumer used her stage to play and profit off race while people of color are bearing the brunt of racial violence.

While black families are burying their dead, churches are burning, black women church pastors are receiving death threats and the KKK is planning rallies in South Carolina, Schumer is “playing” with race. While Latinos are being deported in record numbers, while “80 percent of Central American girls and women crossing Mexico en route to the United States are raped,” while children are languishing in camps in the Southwest, Schumer has got jokes, and only white America is laughing.

I love it how non-comedians tell comedians what their comedy really means.

Before I spend too much time on this, let’s take a look at the college eggheads in question:


Yup, they’re both professors of something. One of ’em is a senior enterprise somebody and adjunct professor of some compelling field of study, and the other one is a critical gender and race studier.

I am not hostile to the pursuit of a college degree. I do not have one because in my field, which has typically been a technical field, a degree confers no economic benefit. Corporations don’t care if their computer programmers actually went to college. As a matter of fact, a degree in that field can be seen as a detriment, as it is proof that you’ve spent four or six years removed from actual programming environments. That is, everyone else hit the ground running while you warehoused yourself for a valuable four years.

But in other fields a degree can be economically useful. Time was, companies might administer an intelligent test to prospective employees. It’s only reasonable; why would you want to hire a stupid person?

But see, intelligence tests are illegal now. They are regarded as discriminatory. (You bet they’re discriminatory. They descriminate against stupid people.)

So what employers have had to resort to over the past thirty years are aptitude tests and certifications. A college degree is a certification. Second to an aptitude test (which is a thinly disguised intelligence test,) a certification is the imperfect best indicator of future success in whatever particular field.

The problem here is that college grads come to believe that they’re smart and that everyone else is stupid. And these two authors have come to believe that they’re smart. Some of the most stupid people I’ve ever known had college degrees. That is why I refer to college as “stupid school.” You take an enterprising, intelligent, curious young person, feed them garbage for four or six or eight years, and out comes a newly minted genius with a bunch of term papers. They’ve got it all figgered out. They shall now propound upon matters. (If you want to become a professional propounder, become a comedian. No one does it better.)

So anyway, these two college eggheads will now reassure us that Amy Schumer is secretly exploiting the oppressed and objectifying minorities. She traffics in “shared cultural stereotypes and use[s] dehumanizing language that gives life to an ecosystem of racial fear and violence.”

I see.

Comedians speak upside down and backwards. They have to, because their audiences are so knuckle-headed sometimes that if you approach an issue head-on, the audience’s defense mechanisms kick in and they dismiss the message. I don’t mean to overthink things here –it’s still just comedy– but trust me, the comedian knows what he or she is doing. Want to know what she’s doing? Why not just ask her? Why not go straight to the horse’s mouth? Why not take her word for it? No? You need some college egghead (who wouldn’t know the first thing about comedy) to explain it for you?

I routinely refer to Barack Obama as “that nigger in the White House.” Why is that? Cock your heads and try to figure it out. Is it because I’m racist? Am I just trafficking in racial stereotypes to fatten my wallet and contribute to an ecosystem of racial fear and violence?

No, it’s because every time I turn around I am informed that I oppose whatever policy of his just because he’s black. So if I oppose the policy just because he’s black, then that means that my opposition is not to any honestly arrived-at political opinion that he may hold. Therefore he could not even theoretically possess a thought in his head worthy of opposing. So if the man is incapable of generating a thought worthy of considered opposition, then he’s just some dumb nigger. Is that what he and his political linebackers are claiming? That he’s just a poor little nigger boy?

And that is why I openly claim that Barack Obama is “that nigger in the White House.”

So what is it that Amy Schumer is really saying?

These eggheads need to shut their over-educated faces.

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.