Let’s go ahead and perform a post-mortem on the now-dead federal personal income tax.

Here’s how greasy lawyers operate:

Lawyers are a priest guild. And they think they’re bright. They went to stupid school and clever school. It’s an interesting amalgam. Like a bull with tits. The rest of us hit the ground running.

Lawyers twist language. That’s what makes them dirty.

There are several terms of art germane to the federal personal income tax, including “United States citizen” and “United States.”

We now understand that there are at least two classes of United States citizen, the state United States citizen and the federal United States citizen. The jurisdiction’s own legal canon recognizes that.

We also now understand that the term “United States” has at least three meanings: the collection of freely associated compact states, i.e., the several states; the empire known as United States, especially under international law in its dealings among the family of nations in its capacity as moral person; and the jurisdiction in Washington known as United States. The jurisdiction’s own legal canon recognizes that.

Whenever the federal jurisdiction uses those two terms, one needs to be very careful because there is likely a lawyer switcheroo afoot. One should never assume the meanings of those or any legal terms of art. It is as if the jurisdiction were a waiter who happened to own stock in Coca Cola. “Good afternoon, I’ll be your waiter today. May I get you a cola?”

“Why yes, I’d love a Coca Cola! You’re so nice for anticipating my needs!”

The problem here is that the waiter (the jurisdiction) permitted the customer to assume that “cola” means “Coca Cola.” It doesn’t. It includes Coca Cola, but it doesn’t mean Coca Cola.

So one day a guy comes along and answers, “Why yes, I’d love a Pepsi!” And then the animals in the backroom of the restaurant will know that they’ve got a thinker on their hands. And they’ll get in a snit and make you a smelly ol’ terriss because you’re costing them money by not conceding the meanings of those words of art.

It’s that simple. Lawyering is a slippery, greasy, dirty profession.

And that’s how you hand the jurisdiction its own ass.

Thanks for the stage. I enjoyed terminating your jurisdiction by speaking.


[As the Sixteenth Amendment conferred no new taxing authority anyway and placed the federal personal income tax into the class of indirect taxes to which it inherently belongs, the above argument is moot.]

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.