I feel like the flag on the rope.
So in some small way, here in this theater of the mind of ours, the outcome of that war somehow is indicated by me. But is it also influenced by me? Can the flag, by its mere flutterings, influence the outcome of the war? In a chaotic system, small inputs can produce large outputs. The butterfly’s fluttering wings engender a storm elsewhere in the system.
So could it all come down to me? Would I then be an object of interest to both sides? And would each then attempt to influence me? Is that why I feel pulled so hard in two directions?
Please don’t lose faith in me, Jesus.
When I lived in the woods a couple of years ago, I would lie in bed by an open window at night and listen to the owls and the coyotes and the fisher cats. And I would talk to God. On one occasion I remember saying, “I have never lost faith in you. Please don’t lose faith in me. I’m worth it, I promise.” And something very strange happened. I felt the distinctive para-physical sensation of a finger press to my forehead. I suspect that the Holy Spirit marked me. So I don’t ever want to fail to merit that. I do my level best as the damaged vessel that I am. Please let me play a role.
I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.