@TheJusticeDept Come here, cunt.

Did you go after any little old ladies today? Any powerless nineteen-year-old waiters who didn’t claim their tips? Huh? Did you find any hobbled prey that your coward organization can take down?

See, the reason why you cunts have got me wrapped up in secret kook gag orders is because you don’t want anyone finding out about the Chris King Defense, which I guess the Supreme Sewer has decided wins. (But it’s a secret! Like all good things over at your garbagediction!)

The Chris King Defense: “Yeah, what he said.”

You cunts have completely ruined my life and my career. So I’m going to kick you idiots in the head until you’ve had enough. When a single flower appears on my doorstep, I will know that you cunts have tapped out.

Trash. Cunts. Bitches. Car-keying cowards.

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.