Prison » New Study Links Taking Selfies with Psychopathy

Nothing captures the current sickness of our culture, quite like the selfie. We have an entire generation of kids and adults who feel compelled to document every moment of their day, and display it for all to see in the hopes that they can validate their lives in the eyes of their peers. In reality, if you post these “please look at me” pictures on a daily basis, it’s painfully obvious you’re steeped in insecurity and self-loathing. However, a recent study has found that people who take frequent selfies are showing signs of another condition that probably isn’t all that surprising.

Researchers from Ohio University found that people (and men in particular) who post numerous selfies and spend a lot of time editing them, are of course, more likely to be narcissistic. But what they also found is that these people are also probably psychopaths. The lead author of the study noted “The more interesting finding is that they also score higher on this other anti-social personality trait, psychopathy, and are more prone to self-objectification.”

Fortunately there is a silver lining in all of this. If you’re an active user of any social media website, and find that one of your “friends” is posting selfies several times a day, now you know who you should stay the hell away from in the real world. So keep your friends close, and keep your soulless enemies on Facebook.

I have noticed this disturbing trend. I do not use social media because I have zero interest in interacting with imaginary friends. If I cannot sit across from you at a bar and see the dandruff on your shoulder and smell the whiskey and cigarettes on your breath, I don’t want to know you. I make for the worst pen pal in the world. Loserbook is for losers, just like the name says.

I will occasionally look up old friends on their social media pages to see how they’re getting on. Some of them appear to have lost their souls. They post endless photos of themselves eating a meal, drinking expensive bottled water, standing in front of the departure gate at a foreign airport, anything. It’s like they are so vacuous and substance-free that they attempt to derive significance by reflecting the glow of significant objects.

The Swiss make watches and the Japanese build robots. Americans build brands. Americans now manufacture nothing. Americans create perceptions of themselves and expect that to be a career. Selfies and Twitter followers are the name of the game, apparently. (And make sure that you have a college degree, so that you can join the club of those who’ve got a lock on the system.) The spoils in America go to college grads who rig the system so that only other college grads can get a job, thus populating the club with like-minded know-nothings who spent a hundred thousand dollars on an education they could have gotten with a five-dollar library card. The spoils go to psychopaths who build absolutely nothing but their own stage-managed brands.

I walk among a nation of holographic projections.

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.