From now on, I’m not going to blow a fuse by commenting on these things. So whenever I summon you with a news story, I just want you to handle it. Implicit in my forwarding a matter to you is the statement “Pull this idiot aside and tell him to step away from the federal training.”

This idiot is so stupid that he doesn’t know that those “Constitutionalist crazy guys” will save his fat, useless ass some day.

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.