Stress may spur urge to reproduce – The Boston Globe

IT’S OFTEN THOUGHT that women in poor communities are genetically or culturally predisposed to reproduce earlier in life, but new research suggests that this behavior is actually a universal human adaptation to stress. British researchers randomly assigned college women to immerse their hands in either ice water or body-temperature water. Afterwards, the women were asked when they wanted to get married and have kids. Among those who did want these things, experiencing the ice water “reduced ideal ages of first birth from 28.6 to 27.1 years and ideal age of marriage from 26.8 to 25.4 years.” This effect was concentrated among those who reported more childhood adversity and was not explained by a general preference for immediate gratification.

The same is true for men. Exposed to a dangerous environment, especially combat, the men are programmed to make babies as soon as possible, lest they die without any offspring. This is why it is a spectacularly bad idea to put women in combat roles: The men will immediately rape the women. Social strictures against such a thing are powerless to override the procreation subroutine.

I think it is cowardly of a society to permit women to do a man’s job of defending the clan anyway, but if you absolutely insist on putting women in combat roles, at least put them into an all-female unit where they won’t get raped.

I once tried explaining this logic to a gender fluid, cisgender, biphilical person of indeterminate sexuality. She started off as a heterosexual woman, as she explained to me. She definitely liked men. But she said that, for whatever reason, she preferred having straight, vaginal intercourse with gay men. (Where she would find those types, I don’t know.) So as her efforts at such a thing yielded little results, she got a sex change so that she might have a male body and, thus, improve her chances with gay men. All this was for naught anyway as she was no looker.

But anyway, she told me that I was just an apologist for rape. I’m not apologizing for anything. I’m predicting the future.

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.