Even I have to engage in a little legalese now and again.

I am well aware that every last electronic communication to and from my Net10 3g tablet is surveilled by law enforcement. I operate under that knowledge and assumption as a matter of course. I’ve been publicly stating this for at least eight years now.

I routinely see an unaccounted-for volume of data traffic that is completely unexplained by the web pages that I visit. I have a 5 gig data plan which never seems to be enough. And I don’t use silly little apps in the background. I know how to minimize my data use.

I know how the Justice Department operates. They would take my statement “I ignore all United States law” and staple it together with whatever untoward materials might get downloaded to my device via some hijacked webpage and then say, “See, everyone? He’s bragging that he flouts United States law. He didn’t even care that we were surveilling his traffic as he engaged in his nefarious activities. [Whatever those might be today.]”

I am well familiar with the dirty tricks directorate over at the “Justice” Department.

Now back to the show.

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.