I have a request of my legal staff, thank you.

Please draw up papers for serving to the Vermont governor, the Vermont Supreme Court, the Vermont State Police, and any relevant Sheriff’s departments, including the eminently competent and professional Windham County Sheriff’s Department.

Those papers are to explain that I am in possession of a certificate of competence for the operation of a motorized vehicle, issued by United Sovereigns of America. It is not a license. I want you to present that certificate to the state and maintain that it fulfills the requirements whereby the state recognizes that certificate to be a valid drivers license issued by a foreign jurisdiction.

Those papers are further to explain that my 1996 red Volvo 850 Turbo Estate is registered with United Sovereigns of America. USov does not require insurance or inspections. (As soon as I can find a carrier who will cover a “driver” with a “suspended license,” I will eagerly buy liability insurance, which is only wise.) That car is in no way registered with the State of Vermont. At the time of my choosing, I will put my USov plate on it.

The point is, I’m tired of looking over my shoulder, wondering if I’m going to get pulled over again, wondering if my car is going to get towed. This is ankle biter stuff and I need it to go bye bye.

In short, you are to submit paperwork to the state that connects me and my car with my legal construct of a principality, United Sovereigns of America, and on to the Capta Brightstick Document. So should the state ever request my presence in court, I will simply open my mouth and kill two jurisdictions with one stone. And I will click my briefcase closed and I will walk out.

I’ve only been hearing for fourteen years how brave and free everyone is. Well this is what freedom looks like. Get a good look.

The longest-running color-of-law frauds are the most fun to expose. The state had a pretty good run with its con. But all good things must come to an end.

I will, this very instant, write up a certificate of competence on a piece of note paper. I will keep it in the car for presenting to any law enforcement officer. It will read:

The natural person named herein, Christopher King, residing on Townshend Road, Grafton, Vermont, is a certified traveler and operator of motorized vehicles. This certificate has been issued by United Sovereigns of America, whose vivifying document is called the Capta Brightstick Document. This certificate has no expiration date.

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.