Prison » MD Sheriff: ‘It’s Open Season on Law Enforcement’ Cops ‘Scared to Death to Do Their Job’

Wicomico County, MD Sheriff Mike Lewis (R) declared, “it’s open season on law enforcement across this country. American law enforcement right now are under siege” and “Everybody’s scared to death to do their job” on Tuesday’s “Hannity” on the Fox News Channel.

I’ve been watching this drama play out for the past fourteen years. We’re now at the part where I’m on the edge of my seat and shoveling popcorn into my mouth, my hand searching for the soda pop that I know full well is somewhere to my right.

A couple of weeks after September 11, 2001, I spent a few moments performing some basic Newtonian physics calculations. I compared the time it took a tower to fall in the video with its calculated free-fall speed. Based on those numbers, I determined that the Twin Towers were brought down in a controlled demolition. I then shook my head at your genius nation, I took one last sip of coffee, I suited up, and I set out becoming America’s Senior Comedian. And now here I am.

I will handle this.

(Incidentally, my intended title for my Fringe Festival show was “Here I Am.” My girl friend, who was acting as my publicist, overrode that choice and named the show “My Head Hurts.” It was fine, I didn’t actually care. But “Here I Am” conveys the pure audacity that undergirds my show business activities. No one ever got anywhere by thinking small. So I hereby retroactively rename my 2004 show with its original title, “Here I Am.”)

Here I am. I’ll handle this. Listen very closely:

Your nation is getting punked again. Outside financial interests, namely that veteran troublemaker, George Soros, are stirring up trouble among black people and white people, and among cops and the general public. There are two social engineering techniques at play here: divide and conquer, and the Hegelian Dialectic of problem/reaction/solution.

For years, the cops have been fed purposefully bogus training. They’ve been taught that the public are their enemy. Just one problem: The enemy that you declared yourselves to be in opposition to? They have the ability to exterminate every last member of your guild at a moment’s notice. It wasn’t wise to train yourselves to regard the public as “the enemy.” Stop that. And stop acting like animals. As I said, twenty years ago I would have shined a cop’s shoes, such was my respect for the profession. But it looks like they’ve been on a hiring spree over the past couple decades, hiring every goon, dummy, roid-rage idiot they could find. Act like the professionals that you represent yourselves to be. And lose all the training that the federal idiot jurisdiction helpfully helped you with.

The federal jurisdiction is no longer a constitutional republic. It is now what I call a privately owned command jurisdiction. That jurisdiction does not want to exist any constabulary that might arrest select criminals who occupy certain offices in that federal jurisdiction. It needs all members of competing constabularies to kill each other. It needs all Constitutionalists dead, and it needs all state and local cops dead.

(Sheriff Powerbottom, by the way, is serving his function perfectly by polluting the minds of anyone within earshot that Constitutionalists are the bad guys. I trust that he has since seen the wisdom in sitting down and shutting his ignorant piehole.)

Here is how George Soros will kill all state and local cops:

He will give money to radical black groups like Black Losers on Parade. They will grunt and shoot cops in the head at gas stations. It’s such an honorable way to kill someone, don’t you know.

That will cause a response from the cops, who will start treating the public like the enemy. Then maybe White Losers on Parade will start killing black people. And then it’s a tit-for-tat race to see who can kill more and fastest.

Then the public will demand martial law. Gun confiscation and roundups will begin. This will force the libertarians, Constitutionalists, gun owners, and whoever all else is not a total commie, to defend themselves in a totally morally and legally righteous act of self defense. They’re not going to any internment camp. Those people will then start killing cops in self defense, which was these social engineers’ goal in the first place. They seek to divide those natural allies, cops and Constitutionalists, those two groups who comprise a constabulary strong enough to arrest the criminals in the federal jurisdiction.

George Soros couldn’t care less about black lives. He is going to use some expendable black lives as the match to light the fire that he actually wants, which is a conflict among the only constabulary that he does not control, which is state and local cops and Constitutionalists.

That’s what’s afoot here.

So you start arresting these Black Losers on Parade for any crimes they may commit, including calls to action, and you restore order. And you stop regarding the public as your enemy. And you cultivate relationships with the local gun clubs, which is where you will find your natural allies: gun owners, libertarians, home schoolers, veterans, and, yes, Sheriff Powerbottom, Constitutionalists, the people who just want the law followed.

You don’t know it yet, but you’ll be deputizing Constitutionalists.

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.