Hillary Clinton to Show More Humor and Heart, Aides Say – NYTimes.com

“The same force and energy that is giving a lift to Donald Trump is dooming Hillary Clinton, and that is authenticity,” said Eric Fehrnstrom, a Republican strategist and former aide to Mitt Romney. “Experience does not matter to them. What matters is you appear genuine.”


They’re still not getting it. All I can do upon reading that is to plant my face into my hand and drum my fingers on my skull.

“What matters to voters is that you appear genuine.” This genius political strategist might as well be living in another century or on another planet. Voters are not interested in the appearance of authenticity. They want the real deal. They want authenticity. Is that so hard? “Polls indicate that our customers want ice cream. So our product development department are working on something that satisfies their desire for the appearance of ice cream.” Why not just sell ice cream?

The American people are tired of the picture-of-wood furniture that you buy at Walmart. They want to caress in their hands for once a real stick of wood, with the grain and the knots and the variation in texture. They want something organic. They want something that grew out of the ground of its own accord.

They don’t want some retread like Clinton, with her appearance of a smile or her appearance of a laugh or her appearance of humor.

No one wants appearances anymore. It will no longer suffice. And this political “pro” just can’t seem to grasp that.

Clinton has zero chance of becoming president. She is the fakest thing in the world. A bolted-on smile or a laugh or a touching story will only accentuate the fact that she is a mere simulacrum of a real person. She is cheap furniture from last season. She’s got a red sticker on her and she’s been shoved onto some dusty clearance rack somewhere.

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.