As you may know, I use Twitter as a one-way transmission system for my terror.

I do not use a Twitter client on my phone and I do not check to see who’s following me or talking to me or talking about me. I will open the Twitter web client every few weeks or months and look at the Armageddon’s timeline in the unlikely event that anyone has acknowledged my existence.

I have four followers and that’s about all I can handle. Now and again someone will follow me and then unfollow me a couple of weeks later. Perhaps they stormed off in a huff, I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m supposed to be adhering to Twitter etiquette by following people who follow me.

I have my allotted two friends in this world and I’ve known them for thirty years. I’m not looking for new friends, especially the imaginary kind. If I accidentally make a new, good solid friend, then great. But I have zero interest in involving myself in some sort of brand making, whereby I engage in the mutual game of everybody following everybody else. This is not a popularity contest for me.

I’m just kind of here. I have no idea what your customs are. My assiduous attempts over the past forty-eight years at learning your customs have yielded zero results. I no longer care. I have achieved a Zen-like detachment.

This is a business. This is a one-way transmission system. I do not follow people. Please take no offense.

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.