Have you given some thought to what your idiot organization will do when I’m officially a candidate for governor? Will the lawyers in those kook courts cry their little eyes out? Will they grunt forth some more of their patented United Ding Dong kookery to try to make it illegal for me to run for governor? Can you imagine the laugh riot that my press conferences will be as my audience and I double over with laughter as I regale them with stories of how the world’s favorite trash heap threw everything but the kitchen sink at me and now they just sit there, frantically pounding their limp little dinks, trying to get ‘high energy’ enough to indict me for not paying a single nickel in federal income tax during the past twenty years?

I’d say your idiot jurisdiction’s days are numbered. That’s what you get for completely ruining my life and impeding my comedy career.

Your jurisdiction is a sad joke. I’m going to kick that moral outrage right in the head to great, uproarious applause.

Kicking that shit heap right into the gutter was, in show business parlance, a “real crowd pleaser.”

And where’s that fuckin’ money, old man?

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.