Interview Horror Stories: Interviewing With An Emperor | Above the Law

Interview season can feel like a slightly lower-stakes Hunger Games, with the rest of your life in the balance. It’s a high-pressure situation and nervous 2Ls are often on the brink. So what happens when the interviewer — in this case a partner — decides to mess with the candidates?

I was interviewing at OCI for [Biglaw] in NY, and was somewhat anxious going into the interview since I had met a partner (an alumnus from my law school with a similar background and interests as me) at one of the firm’s Asian offices during my 1L summer and was, as a result, pretty interested in the firm. Really wanted to kill the interview, because interview decisions were made in NY. Had read up a bunch on the firm and the particular interviewing partner, and I had already done 10 interviews the day before so I was feeling pretty confident in my interview game at that point. I walk in the door, shake hands with the partner, and sit down across from him. I’m thinking I’m ready for any question.

He looks me in the eyes and just says:

“OK. Entertain me.”

Full stop.

I look at him for a second, because this has to be a f**king joke. (Does he think OCI is Gladiator? Does he want me to dance around like a clown for his amusement?)

But he’s clearly not kidding. He’s leaning back in his chair with a very self-satisfied look. He wants to see me freak out and scramble. After a beat – in which I seriously considered just standing up and walking out – I just decide to plow through and give my normal pitch about my background and interests. He has his hands interlocked Mr. Burns style for most of the interview, presumably sitting in judgment over my life story.

“OK. Entertain me.”

“Well, first off, please forgive my appropriately artistically mismatched coat and tie. Hm. How’s this?: I talked some dog shit and terminated the federal government. And I made Obamacare go bye bye and I don’t have to pay income tax anymore. I think I could be an asset to your shitheel firm because I can make you money. It’s always about the money, isn’t it? I never finished college and didn’t bother going to law school. Am I hired? Am I fit to run with you eggheads who wouldn’t know their asses from a hole in the ground? Am I adequately off-putting to get fired before I’m even hired? Huh? Dummy?”

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.