@TheJusticeDept You should stock up on Kleenex soon.

I need three hundred signatures in order to appear on the ballot for the gubernatorial election of November, 2016.

Over the next month or so, I’m going to travel to Brattleboro and walk up and down the street while wearing a sandwich board which reads:

My name is Chris King. I’m running for governor. Please sign my thing. I propose to upend the entire crooked system.

I won’t even need much money because the news media will regard it as their salad days, a chicken in every pot, delivering to me all the publicity I may require as I brag on my blog that United Ding Dong and I go way back and how I haven’t paid federal income tax in 20 years and how the Justice Department got themselves a few credit hours at Chris King School and graduated summa cum laude and that’s why they’re familiar with their own legal canon finally.

So I would advise that you enjoy your taxing authority while you have it, not to take it for granted, to appreciate it while you have the chance lest it fade away unnoticed like one’s youthful beauty.

I am going to crush your idiot jurisdiction’s head with my one bare hand. Get ready.

It’s the final countdown.

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.