What is the “Freedom and Bravery Platform”?
This country has been taken for a ride for the past fifteen years: endless wars to nowhere, torture chambers, drone strikes –and we didn’t even get the right guys. What did we get? A surveillance state that would make East Germany proud. A bankrupt public treasury. A squandered national reputation.
Think globally, act locally. So I am going to make the world a better place by starting right here at home. That is why I am running for governor of Vermont in 2016.
I call it the Freedom and Bravery platform because the slick marketers in Washington have assured me for the past fifteen years of how free and brave and strong I am, and why I should assent to every last outrage emanating from Washington. Fine, then; I’m free and I’m brave, just like the bumper stickers say. So this is what freedom looks like. Get a good look.
I propose to make Vermont a tax haven, her citizens free of the misapplied federal income tax. I have not paid federal income tax in twenty years, nor have I filed a tax return during that time, and the Justice Department decline to indict me. I cracked the Internal Revenue Code: Whereas the Sixteenth Amendment conferred no new taxing authority and placed the federal personal income tax into the class of indirect taxes to which it inherently belongs, the federal jurisdiction has no ability to apply the income tax to non-District of Columbia citizens who derive no income from within the federal territorial jurisdiction; that is, citizens of the several states who earn their living outside D.C. simply are not contemplated by the federal income tax. I must be right because, again, the Justice Department refuse to indict me for any crime. The proof is in the pudding. Hate the IRS? Then I’m your man.
As governor, I will personally escort the United States Government right back to its rightful role as junior partner in this federalist system of government of ours.
Low taxes, maximum freedom. That’s my philosophy.
I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.