@TheJusticeDept Come here, whores.

Hi. You’ve turned my show into a real stemwinder, you know. Things move at a glacial pace in my show business career. I should be old and ugly by the time it’s finally legal for prospective show business partners to speak to me.

Isn’t it sad? I mean, some guy just publicly confessing his crimes to you, begging you to indict him for tax evasion or even willful failure to file, and you just sit there, looking at your shoes and checking Facebook?

So since you idiots are scared that people will find out that you’re a bunch of frauds, and therefore did you actively scare off any prospective show business partners, are you idiots planning on buying your tickets at some point? ‘Cause you know that if I can’t get hired, my fallback is to sell tickets and put on my own show.

So are you losers going to buy your tickets now that you’ve ruined my comedy career? Not everyone gets to be a completely useless government employee, you know. Not everyone gets to collect a welfare check every two weeks. Some of us have to work for a living and otherwise avoid polluting this beautiful world with our mere existence.

Come on, trash. If you can’t indict me for tax evasion, then shut your sucks about the terror and get the fuck out of my professional way so that I can earn a living. Or at least buy your tickets.