Monthly Archives: April 2016

Utterance No. 539

By the way, sometimes Tweetcaster does not post multi-part tweets for whatever reason. I’ll give it a couple of tries and then give up. My target audience gets them anyway by other channels.

I figure that no one’s buying their tickets anyway, so I’ll let my audience scrounge for my material.

It’s another one for the history books, my surveillance-based show that I’ve been putting on since late 2004. My audience is far larger than my twelve Twitter followers, most of whom are probably bot fronts for various law enforcement and intelligence organizations.

By the way, how’s my old friend from Harlem, the dude who magically wanted to be my friend and wanted me to transport a backpack full of cocaine across town? It’s kind of sad that my already few social prospects are further limited by my having to wonder, “Where’s the setup here” when someone speaks to me or wants to be my friend. And people call me weird or schizoid because I talk to no one and have no friends and go nowhere and do nothing. “Do you have friends, Chris?” “No. I hav–” “–Alrighty, then; you’re schizoid.” I took up stand-up so that I might have fun and meet people and collaborate with fellow comedians. Nope. I’m now more isolated than when I started. So much for doing quality work. I’ll just half-ass it next time. Dick jokes 24-7. A star is born.

I am not in your investigation. You are in my show. It has always been that way.

And if my delightful audience of shoplifters want to buy their tickets at some point like you’re supposed to, that’d be great. I’d be able to hire a crew and put on a proper show. Send a hundred bucks to Chris King, Grafton, Vermont 05146. Then tweet at me to check my mail, because otherwise I do not even open my mailbox. There’s never anything but overdue bills in it.

You know that my future audience members are going to hold you losers in total contempt, right? They are going to blame you for your theft of services which denied that future audience an enjoyment of a larger body of work of mine. They’ll say, “Wait a minute. Chris only did a handful of videos and all we have is this written shit? Wow, his audience must have been a bunch of fuckin’ trash.”

They were. Buy your tickets, trash.



You’re my go-to guy for legal matters.

Here is the definition of assigned risk, as told by Wikipedia:

“High risk drivers are often undesirable to insurance companies, and may not be able to purchase insurance through conventional means. They are considered high-risk because of numerous¬†speeding or other traffic tickets, or a recent history of motor vehicle accidents, or in states that have a¬†point system, accumulation of so many points. The state DMV point system may be different from the insurance companies’ point system.”

I am about the safest “driver” you would ever encounter. I drive like an old woman. I’ve never had an accident. I’ve never filed an insurance claim. My last speeding ticket was probably twenty years ago. I am in no way “high risk.”

A perfunctory two-sentence response to my considered inquiry to the Vermont Insurance Commissioner that I contact the assigned risk insurance people is not remotely what I’m looking for. What I’m looking for is for the State of Vermont to stop polluting the insurance companies with falsehoods about how there is no such thing as a traveler and how I require a driver’s license.

You might want to put a bug in the governor’s ear that he might want to oversee the Insurance Commissioner’s handing of my inquiry because what I’m doing is I’m putting together a legal case against the State of Vermont.

I have zero interest in purchasing expensive insurance through the high risk pool of drunk drivers and ax murderers. (And if I were to investigate the matter, the insurance companies participating in this assigned risk pool probably still require a driver’s license.)

Have the Insurance Commissioner contact me by email with news that all insurance companies authorized to operate in Vermont now recognize that licenses are required only of drivers. Until such time, I will remain uninsured and I will refer any bodily injury claims to the Insurance Commissioner.

Not a single lawyer in my audience any longer maintains that I require a license to exercise my natural right to travel by modern conveyances of the day, including by automobile, upon the public thoroughfares in my pursuit of my private business.

I cannot buy insurance without a driver’s license. And I am under no obligation whatsoever to purchase insurance at any price premium whatsoever from some assigned risk program, if such program sells insurance to unlicensed drivers at all. I am not a driver, licensed or otherwise. I am a traveler. They are two completely different things, and I need the various legal systems in this genius nation to familiarize themselves with the law for once. It works better that way.

Without valid insurance, I cannot secure an inspection sticker for my car. Every time I get pulled over these days, the guy says “I pulled you over because you don’t have an inspection sticker.” I feel like saying “What the fuck do you expect me to do? I can’t get a sticker without showing proof of insurance, which I can’t buy because the State has got the insurance companies bamboozled into thinking that there is no such thing as a traveler.” I want to say to the guy “Do you expect me to shit out an inspection sticker?” I’m about ready to stick a fuckin’ Post It Note on the windshield just so that I don’t get pulled over all the time. Is that what everyone wants me to do? You want me to play this silly game? You want me to slap a fuckin’ Post It Note on the windshield so that everyone has plausible deniability in this idiotic touch pee pee game of ours?

Does it take a fucking lawsuit to get the State to follow the fuckin’ law around here? This is shaping up to be Lawless Nation USA.

If the Insurance Commissioner is unwilling to pave the way for me to purchase insurance like normal people do everywhere every day, I don’t want any tears about how I don’t have an inspection sticker.

I don’t want that car pulled over ever again just because I don’t have an inspection sticker that I would be happy to get if only I could buy insurance, without which it is a legal impossibility for me to secure an inspection sticker.

I follow the laws that we have, not the laws that some would prefer that we have.

If the Insurance Commissioner or his designate is unwilling to contact me by email and explain that it is now possible for me to buy insurance at no price premium like normal people do every day, I don’t want to hear another fucking word about how I don’t have a motherfucking inspection sticker (which only pants-wetter states like Vermont require anyway.)

Getting pulled over is time consuming and embarrassing and it complicates my ability to find work because the townspeople think that I am a criminal. I CANNOT EVEN THEORETICALLY GET AN INSPECTION STICKER WITHOUT INSURANCE BECAUSE THE STATE HAS POLLUTED THE INSURANCE COMPANIES’ UNDERSTANDING OF THE LAW. THAT IS NOT MY FAULT.


It’s a new day in Genius Nation USA. We’re all going to follow the law from now on.

An official legal communique sent to the Vermont Insurance Commission.

Thank you for taking my inquiry.

I do not have a driver’s license. I never possessed a valid driver’s license owing to the fraudulent representation of its being necessary, not to mention that sixteen-year-olds cannot engage in contracts. I am now forty-eight years old.

The State of Vermont maintains that I am a driver in possession of a civilly suspended license. But that’s not really something that you need to trouble yourself with. I tell you this information so that you can understand my situation.

I exercise my natural right to travel upon the public thoroughfares in pursuit of my private business by modern conveyances of the day, including by automobile. My car is unregistered, uninspected, and uninsured. I do not legally require a driver’s license. The State of Vermont now apparently concedes that, as I have been standing on my right to travel since 2007, routinely throwing tickets away, and I’m still walkin’ the streets (or motoring, as it were.)

The problem here is that I regard it as unwise not to have insurance in case I damage someone else’s car or, heaven forbid, cause an injury. But I have searched high and low for an insurance company that will insure what they term an “unlicensed driver” or one in possession of a “suspended license.” The insurance companies are unaware that there is such a thing as a natural right to travel. They refuse to insure me. They think I’m being evasive, or they think I must have lost a driver’s license for unsafe driving, or they think I’m a criminal. I’ve never been in trouble with the law a day in my life.

Would your office please help me in securing the auto insurance that I need to travel responsibly? Would you please inform all auto insurance carriers authorized to sell insurance in Vermont that there is an entire class of human called the “traveler”? I am not a driver, licensed or otherwise; I am a traveler. The legal distinction is important. There is nothing whatsoever illegal about conducting an automobile along the public thoroughfares in pursuit of one’s private business and as an exercising of one’s natural right to travel. You may check with your legal staff to confirm this. And the Governor’s Office is well aware of me. They can confirm this.

So in short, I ask for your office’s assistance in finding an insurance carrier that will cover me as I exercise my natural right to travel, at no price premium above what they cover a licensed driver. For example, my recent inquiry to Progressive yielded a quote of $256 for top-of-the-line, gold-plated liability coverage for six months. I would expect the same as the traveler that I am. I will tolerate no price premium just because the exercising of one’s natural right to travel “sounds kooky.”

And please instruct the insurance companies that I would be under no legal obligation to provide the number of the driver’s license that I once possessed in error, before it came to my attention that it was invalid due to its fraudulent representation as being necessary. I do not wish to engage in fraud, so it’s actually illegal for me to seek to derive benefit by furnishing the number of a license I now know was invalid.

I thank you in advance for your assistance. I should like to be insured within the month.

Please reply only by email.

Yours in Vermont Strongness,

Christopher King,
Grafton, Vermont 05146