Monthly Archives: June 2015

Prison » CEO: Greeks Are Worried About Martial Law, Civil War

John O’Connell, CEO of investment firm Davis Rea, says that Greeks are worried about the imposition of martial law and the outbreak of civil war as a result of the country’s debt crisis.

Speaking to BNN from the Greek island of Santorini, O’Connell said that elderly Greeks were likely to vote in favor of the EU bailout package on July 5th, but that younger citizens had nothing to lose in voting no.

“The old people want to vote for Europe cause they have a lot to lose, they have their pensions, but the younger population – they are already poor, they are already unemployed – and they don’t have much to lose,” said O’Connell.

“Their attitude is it’s going to be tough, it’s already tough, and so why not just move on go back to the Drachma, and they’re OK with that. Their attitude is in 5 to 10 years I’ll be better off. They believe there’s a lot of misinformation. They believe they’re being pressured by European countries particularly Germany that are holding them to very difficult terms.”

This is an instructive guide to what will occur here in America during the imminent collapse of the federal idiot jurisdiction, which I suspect will begin this summer. The only people who benefit by the operation of that moral outrage on the Potomac are those get money from it: government employees, welfare recipients of both the corporate and individual variety, malingerers, weapons manufacturers, foreign bankers, pensioners, etc.

No one else cares a whit if that piece of trash survives. It’s a threat to law and order anyway.

I think it’s time to start over. It had a good run, but it’s just too diseased. It’s “fulla cancer,” as my grandmother might say about the man down the street who died.

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.


Prison » Law Enforcement More Concerned About Anti-government Activists Than Al-Qaeda Terrorists

A study conducted by the Triangle Center on Terrorism and Homeland Security reveals that law enforcement agencies in the United States are more concerned about “anti-government extremists” than al-Qaeda or ISIS inspired terrorism.

“Law enforcement agencies in the United States consider anti-government violent extremists, not radicalized Muslims, to be the most severe threat of political violence that they face,” the report authored by Charles Kurzman and David Schanzer explains.

According to the organization, threats posed by sovereign citizens include cyberterrorism, the use of explosive devices, military weapons, and biological, chemical and radiological weapons.

Again, the term “sovereign citizen,” as I have demonstrated here, refers to a state United States citizen who possesses sovereignty devolved upon Americans at the end of the Revolutionary War by a legal document signed by the King of England. It’s nothing so dramatic as what the Department of Homeland Security represents. I, for example, have never so much as been in a fistfight. Nor do I have a criminal record. And I still qualify for my Top Secret SCI security clearance. I’m a Boy Scout.

Was it the DHS that shined up that compressor on Murray Street to disprove the cockamamie Osama bin Laden theory of 9-11? No, that was me.

Was it the DHS that showed that the federal income tax is being misapplied to citizens of the several states? No, that was me. Why won’t the Justice Department indict me for failing to pay a single nickel to the IRS for twenty years? It’s because they’ll lose. I wasn’t aware that maintaining a winning legal status made one a terrorist.

Was it the DHS that showed that one possesses a natural right to travel, the exercise of which cannot be converted into a crime? No, that was me.

Who’s badmouthing whom around here? The federal idiot jurisdiction actually declared me and 99.79% of Americans to be terrorists. So consider the source. Ipso quo natorum. The more that idiot jurisdiction speaks, the more it discredits itself.

Here’s how the world works:

Foreign bankers don’t like it when people find out that the federal income tax applies only to federal United States citizens and to state United States citizens who earn income deriving from within the territorial jurisdiction of United States. The bankers lose money that way, money earmarked for paying to them  interest on the federal debt, a debt that never would have been incurred if the federal jurisdiction would reclaim its sovereign right to print its own notes rather than subcontract that function out to these bankers’ privately owned Federal Reserve, a bank which creates money out of nothing and then lends it to the Treasury at interest. It’s good work if you can get it.

So these bankers will instruct their minions at the Department of Homeland Security to commission some college somewhere to do a study and to arrive at the commissioned conclusion that state United States citizens, aka “sovereign citizens,” are a terror threat.

That’s how the world works. It’s about money, nothing more. So to all law enforcement agencies in my audience, I advise that you take every last piece of training promulgated by the world’s premiere idiot jurisdiction, which has demonstrated itself to be completely corrupt and incompetent, and you throw that training right in the trash where it belongs. By the time the feds are done with you, you won’t know your ass from a hole in the ground.

I successfully told the IRS and the Justice Department to go pack sand. And the little weaklings dutifully scurried off to their holes. So maybe I know what I’m talking about.


I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.

It is the will of Landru.

Bafta award-winning comedian Stephen Merchant argues that the authoritarian left has killed comedy, with satirists afraid to crack controversial jokes for fear of offending politically correct sensibilities.

In an interview with the Telegraph, Merchant, co-writer and co-director of the wildly popular British sitcom The Office, complained that perpetually offended Twitter outrage mobs have made public figures petrified to speak candidly.

“This idea that we have to police ourselves, that we might say the wrong thing and upset someone or something. It’s not fun. It’s just not fun,” said Merchant, noting that the BBC would probably have never broadcast The Office if it was made today.

Merchant pointed out how the left had replaced the old puritanical right as the new force of censorship.

Amy Schumer has responded to a piece in the Guardian which scrutinized racially insensitive jokes from her stand-up special and recent stint hosting the MTV Movie Awards. In it, author Monica Heisey mused about whether a Schumer backlash would be inevitable given her sudden ubiquity.

“While there’s no denying that Schumer is an incredible talent, the material that doesn’t make the next morning’s feminist Facebook shares doesn’t fare quite so well under scrutiny,” Heisey wrote.

In a response she tweeted Sunday afternoon, Schumer wrote, “I ask you to resist the urge to pick me apart. Trust me. I am not a racist. I am a devout feminist and lover of all people. My fight is for all people to be treated equally.”

I am not of the body. I have not been absorbed. It is because of those virtues that I am able to accurately perceive reality and convey those discoveries to anyone who cares. Those who may care comprise my audience.

It has been my experience that Americans prefer their comedians to be at once self-aggrandizing and self-loathing. It’s a sweet spot within which one can get away with nearly anything. And I’ve said before, stand-up is the sport of seeing what you can get away with saying. And so far so good.

Stand-up is made all the easier once you understand that most people have no idea what they’re talking about on any matter. That’s America’s dirty secret. Realizing that makes it easy to dismiss their thoughts, especially within a theater housing a show that is neither free nor a concentration camp. Dissatisfied shoplifters are free to leave.

The comedian must always remain in complete control of his theater. He is never to permit audience members to possess power over him. Their thoughts must mean nothing to him. And he will never do finer work than when he honestly doesn’t care if he loses his entire audience. The paradox in that is that when he loses his audience, he begins to do his finest work. And in pursuit of this finest work, the audience returns, even against their will. See? It’s a sweet spot. And then everyone knows who’s in charge, which, by definition, is always the comedian. See how that works?

At no time would I ever concern myself with the thoughts of the Twitter rabble. I will say what I choose to say. If you do not like it, you are free to leave my theater.

My fascination with my audience’s thoughts extends all the way to collecting my ticket receipts at the end of the night.

And that is how comedy works.

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.

A Hard Day’s Work Deserves a Fair Day’s Pay | Barack Obama

Truer words have never been spoken. The man’s a genius. Let us savor the wisdom issuing forth from Landru:

That’s how America should do business. In this country, a hard day’s work deserves a fair day’s pay. That’s at the heart of what it means to be middle class in America.

As president, my top priority is to strengthen the middle class, expand opportunity and grow the economy. That’s why I believe in middle-class economics — the idea that our country does best when everyone gets a fair shot, everyone does their fair share, and everyone plays by the same set of rules. It’s driven me from day one. It’s fueled our American comeback. And it’s at the heart of the fundamental choice our country faces today.

…unless, of course, your mere existence threatens to upend the color-of-law scam called the federal income tax, completely inappropriately applied to those who are nonresident and alien to the jurisdiction in question, much like how a New Hampshirite is nonresident and alien to Vermont.

In that case, a hard day’s work does not deserve a fair day’s pay, nor will one receive a fair shot while doing his fair share; indeed, everyone gets to play by the same set of rules except he who can read a law book and stand on his legal status without drooling and shitting himself all day long like most people who just believe whatever old thing they’re told. Perseverating for three months one summer to read law books for the price of a library card is mental health services. It’s non-bizarre delusioning. You just need meds if you can read.

In that case, the idiots at the Justice Department will get in a snit and wheel around in their office chairs and type your name into a computer and call you a terriss in an attempt to make illegal that which is legal by other means, thus availing one of brand new vistas of legal kookery at everyone’s favorite idiot jurisdiction whose most esteemed legal masterminds seem not even to know what a tax is.

And it will become illegal for you to communicate with prospective employers and to get a date online lest the human waste in the Justice Department immediately run criminal background checks on your telephone correspondents because they’re so completely blindingly fucking stupid, being the government employees that they are, never having done anything in this life but eat out the people’s substance and pollute their environment with their lies and their frauds. They’ll get a fair day’s pay for their pollutionary existence, don’t you fret about that.

See? Isn’t it grand in that little con artist’s magical world where he is the source of all things good?

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.

Has America reached a ‘blue screen of death’ moment? A hard reboot now seems inevitable… –


These are all signs that America has entered the blue screen of death phase of civilization — that “memory dump” moment when everything stops working and the computer tries to figure out what happened before suddenly rebooting to BIOS and trying to reload the operating system.

In political terms, a reboot is a revolution followed by a constitutional convention that attempts to establish the fundamental infrastructure of laws and rights upon which the rest of society’s functions will be based. As anyone who has lived through a reboot will tell you, reboots are often bloody and always chaotic.

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.

Watch “Hagmann & Hagmann Report Podcast June 25 2015 Full Podcast” on YouTube

This episode features “DJ,” an independent researcher who, it seems, has cracked the Jade Helm code. It appears that Jade Helm 15 is a military operation, drill or not, that is run completely by a sentient quantum supercomputer called “Jade Two.” Its purpose is to master the human domain. That is, the computer’s job is to eradicate humans from the planet so that machines can take over. Jade Two is Skynet, essentially.

I have long suspected that there is a routine running on some supercomputer somewhere whose function was to “play against me,” so to speak. I named that routine “Christopher King.” With these new revelations about Jade Two, we see that the computer likely has a routine dedicated to every possible political actor on the planet.

It’s a fascinating listen.

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.

Prison » Shark Caught Off North Carolina Coast

Sharks have been increasingly spotted near the shores of America’s East Coast and cownose rays have also been swimming in bizarre patterns, which begs the question: why are they acting so weird?

It is because the collective unconscious of the earth’s marine life now understands that humans have destroyed the earth. The Pacific Ocean is now dead, courtesy of Fukushima. You will see other life forms begin attacking humans out of some nebulous rage toward the destroying species. (Although more precisely, all the ills in this world are the works of the Watchers, those cast down by God for their failure to remain in their estate.)

That is why all the shark attacks.

We are in the times described in the Book of Revelation. I suggest that you get right with Jesus Christ and repent, daily if necessary. You ask the Holy Spirit to stay close to you. We are in the most important chapter in the history of mankind. It’s all real. What I used to think were just fairy tales are actually historical accounts of transdimensional beings at war with humanity and with each other. Everything has lead up to now. Look sharp. You will want to be judged worthy.

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.

I’ve figured out how to overthrow the United States “government” with as little fuss as possible.

The trick is not to engage it. The trick is to withdraw from it.

It is as if there is a group of people who typically sit around the same camp fire night after night, year after year. Those people in that village come to believe over the decades and the centuries that there can be only one camp fire. And invariably over this time, eggheads with cockamamie political ideas and torture chambers and forced vaccinations are forever hogging the fire light, standing up every night to regale the community members with tales about how they, and not the community members, are the wise ones, those with the sovereignty around here, those with the right to rule.

And then one day a guy says “You people are insane. Get bent.” And he withdraws. He nullifies. He secedes to a remote corner of the village commons and he starts his own camp fire.

And when the villagers realize that it’s possible to light a different camp fire, lit by a guy who isn’t stark, raving mad like the loons hogging the fire light and dressing up in their regalia and barking orders at everyone, they all withdraw to this new camp fire, leaving a bunch of crestfallen nobodies to scream bloody murder about how there can be only one camp fire.

And that is how the United States government is overthrown: Withdraw from it. Ignore it. Prepare to defend yourself against the predations of it. And eventually its nobodies will go away. Who, after all, is going to feed their lonely fire? Who’s going to cut up more firewood? These egghead nobodies? Once the fire dies out, they’ll dejectedly sit down and pout for a while and then just leave.

That is how political revolutions are done.

I’ve got my own camp fire. It’s called United Sovereigns of America. A brand new campsite with an unspoiled view. Fewer insane people. No beer cans lying around everywhere. No trash. No screaming, no yelling. Just me and the peace and quiet and the view and the time alone to think about the future.

And one day my fire will be brighter. And people will come.

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.

I think I accidentally hit the nail right on the head. The root struggle here is over sovereignty.

And that is why that establishment rag, the New York Times, will assiduously pollute their readership’s understanding of the sovereign citizenry. The New York Times serves the system. It has prospered by the system. Not a single word shall escape the lips of the New York Times that does not buttress the system’s claim to sovereignty.

That rag is as transparent as a piece of glass. The system could lie in ruins and the New York Times would continue with their assigned function, reassuring everyone within earshot that the system is in fine shape and that all is well.

The system is not in fine shape and all is not well. So we might expect this behavior of the New York Times.

The secret to getting this county back on track lies in nullification, disobedience, and a reclaiming of personal sovereignty. Trust me, the system will scream bloody murder at the challenge. Just take a look at the ink spilled at the New York Times on any given day about those kooky sovereign citizens.

This country has gone so far off the rails that I find the only tool available to me is to assert my personal sovereignty: to withdraw, to nullify, to secede, and to disobey; further, to fashion new political bands among similarly sane people.

I am under no moral obligation whatsoever to countenance the words of insane people, their stone buildings and their fax machines and their walkie talkies notwithstanding. It looks like property abandoned in place to me anyway.

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.