Monthly Archives: August 2015

Senator, I’d like to argue pro se in whatever kook court over there.

Print this out and pass it along, will you?

“Good morning, trash. I should like to beseech your sewer of a ‘court’ in the matter of Christopher King vs. United Mushmouth.

“It appears that your idiot jurisdiction doesn’t know whether to shit or go blind. Whose fault is that? Whose fault is it that your trash organization runs color-of-law frauds every day? In the words of Chief Justice Asshole of the 82nd Court of United Idiotdiction, ex parte, and I quote, ‘Ours is a pure fucking idiot jurisdiction. No decent person even cares what we say. The next thing you know, the Executive Branch will dream up a new legal instrument purporting to indemnify United States employees in the finger-fucking of prom queens everywhere in the name of national security. Whereso it shall be presumed that plaintiff receives adjudical relief pending determination of our trashdiction’s vomit-inducing existence.’

“So I should request the Sewer’s forbearance as I seek summary judgment in favor of my wanting to pursue my stand-up fucking comedy career unburdened by any dog shit that your idiot court may suffer the Executive Branch to smear all over me.

“Type up your papers, stupid. I think thirty days is reasonable.

“As respectfully as I can manage without losing my lunch just by looking at you,

“Christopher King.”

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.


Watch “The Loch Ness Monster FOUND and Captured ALIVE” on YouTube

In this episode, Mark Dice interviews Americans about the (fatuous) news that the Loch Ness monster has been captured and transferred to Sea World.

If I had invented this brilliant routine, I would ask of the passersby, “NASA’s Glomar Explorer has discovered crystal cities on Venus. Do you think, one, we should we establish a colony there because obviously it would be cheaper now because there’s already cities there and, two, would you support Barack Obama as President of Venus?”

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.

‘Pendulum Factor’ could land Trump in White House | New York Post

If you’re having trouble understanding the phenomenal rise of Donald Trump, buck up — you’re not alone. Even political pros are dumbfounded.

If they’re dumbfounded then they’re obviously not political pros, now, are they?

What the political “pros” don’t understand is that the American public are one inch away from shutting that federal jurisdiction down by force of arms. This is not playtime.

The cooler heads among us are jerking the levers as fast as we can to get this failed ship of state back on course. If the jurisdiction cannot be fixed, it will have to be terminated.

It’s like the captain is on bath salts. He’s locked himself in the wheelhouse. The passengers are banging on the windows and they’ve got a battering ram ready to bust down the door.

If your teeth do not chatter when you hear me talk like this, then you’re just not getting it.

This country is one inch away from a hyperviolent revolution. Tell that to the political “pros.”

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.

The Trump spectacle is fun. But it comes at a cost. – The Boston Globe

What Trump’s ascent represents is the fundamental transformation of the American electoral process into an entertainment product, namely a reality TV show. It would be easy enough to blame the media. But with our remotes and our computer clicks, the public is dictating this shift. We’re the ones who are choosing goofy demagoguery over a sober consideration of the issues. Tomorrow, we tell ourselves, we’ll get serious. Or the day after tomorrow.

People say that Trump is a clown who is converting the American political system into an unseemly reality show.

The American political system has long been unseemly. So why not make it real?

It’s always been the clown show that Trump is accused of making it. It’s always been a freak show of criminals and philanderers and drug addicts and the corrupt. To the best of my ability to know, Trump is none of those.

Trump has stepped up to act as the ring leader of this circus that we call a political system. So why shouldn’t he put on a top hat and conduct this uniquely American freak show like the symphony of hunchbacks that it is?

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.

Connected Dots Reveal that UN Military Forces Are Now Prepared to Invade the United States | Dave Hodges – The Common Sense Show

That’s required reading for law enforcement.

The United Nations is a privately owned jurisdiction. It is a treaty clearinghouse, essentially. This privately owned jurisdiction thinks it’s the world government.

You will see various foreign troops, including the Russians and the Chinese, invade America under UN auspices. I’m guessing this will happen within the next six months, likely within thirty days.

Financial collapse will occasion false flag bombings and shootings, which will occasion roundups and attempted gun confiscation. The UN will be invited in by Obama as a means of helpfully helping you. It’s not to help you; it’s to conquer you.

Forewarned is forearmed.

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.

Watch “Knezovich facing protest over MRAP flap” on YouTube

That’s a news report on that dipshit Spokane County Sheriff and his precious MRAP. Don’t forget: Veterans will slap that bitch and take his MRAP and use it for making beer runs. And I know he’s a bitch because there’s another video of this Sheriff giving a sit down interview in his office, and he’s got his hands folded in front of him and you can plainly see his manicured fingernails. No man gets a manicure. This Sheriff is a woman trapped in a man’s body.

Let’s recap: Intelligence agencies flew drones into the Twin Towers. Hooker lawyers in Washington immediately trotted out pre-written legislation. By this method, lawful government was overthrown. Your nation is now dead. Some people don’t much care for that, so they insist that fundamental law be followed. Those people would really rather that the Constitution be followed. There’s an extra-special word for people who want the law followed. They’re called Constitutionalists. They have guns. Lots of them. They are the fundamental constabulary. So when idiot government employees don’t follow the law, Constitutionalists come and arrest them, try them, and punish them. Though arcane, the practice is completely legal. You don’t want the hired help having MRAPs that they might use to prevent their own arrests.

This idiot Sheriff is so stupid that he doesn’t know that his nation was conquered. And do you really expect some pussy with manicured fingernails to defend lawful government? I would love to let this coward do my job for even a day.

And in this clip, the reporter adds that the pussy later backtracked on his use of “Constitutionalist” and said that maybe “extremist” was a better choice.

Well what does “extremist” mean? Is it like extreme skateboarding? Extreme bungee jumping? Half of the energy drinks I see for sale are Extreme something or other.

This Sheriff obviously is working from a set of talking points given to him by some outside group, most likely the Southern Poverty Law Center. It’s not a law center and it’s not about Southern poverty. That’s just their name. They might as well have called themselves the Cotton Candy People. I have covered the SPLC before, so I will not furnish proof here. You can refer to my earlier work. The SPLC’s job is to see to it that no competing constabulary ever exists. So the SPLC –which played an instrumental role in the Oklahoma City Bombing along with the ATF– will attempt to set up and smear that fundamental constabulary. One of the SPLC’s favorite words is “extremist.”

This Sheriff is working from Southern Poverty Law Center training. No one does that voluntarily, so I’m guessing that the SPLC has dirt on him and is blackmailing him into delivering his department to SPLC control. My suspicion is that now that the SPLC is in control of the Spokane County Sheriff’s Department, there will be a bombing within that county which will be blamed on that fundamental constabulary, aka “Constitutionalists” or “extremists.”

My suspicion, based on this Sheriff’s mannerisms and manicured fingernails, is that he is a closeted homosexual, a married one, no less. That is blackmail gold right there.

Someone do me a solid? Pass this along to Sheriff Powerbottom and tell him that he, his manicured fingernails, his contempt for the fundamental constabulary, and his suspected blackmailing by the Southern Poverty Law Center are now being scrutinized by the Future People. Tell him he’s a star.

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.

I know what you’re thinking, Senator: “What are you going to do with your three hundred million dollars, Chris?”

I’ve given that a lot of thought. Here is a list that I’ve come up with:

1. I’m going to have that strut mount replaced. And I want the air conditioning fixed. I will have some minor dings and crunches in the body fixed. And the rear main seal needs replacing because it leaks oil. I want that 1996 Volvo 850 Turbo Estate restored to showroom condition.


And I want flames painted on the sides.

2. I am going to create a corporation called King Global Enterprises Corp. It will be incorporated in my principality, United Sovereigns of America. The corporate tax rate in USov is a flat five percent. It’ll be a tax haven. And I will buy an office building inside which I and my staff will conduct my enterprises. That skyscraper will, in large letters at the top, state, simply, “KING”.

3. I will hire the finest lawyers anywhere. And I will treat them as they deserve. I will outfit their custodial office in the basement with the finest mop buckets and brooms and that stuff that you spray to get graffiti off the walls. They shall want for nothing. They will wear their hairpieces and their three-piece suits and their tassled loafers as they go about their custodial duties. There shall be no waste baskets anywhere in my corporate headquarters. If one of my staff shall let, say, a milk shake get warm on his desk through his inattention, the staff member is to throw it at whatever nearest custodian, to splatter all over his expensive suit, and to occasion his hurling of his milk shake with “Clean that up, dummy.”

4. I want a gyro copter like out of that Mad Max movie.

5. I want an electric foot bath, like the kind they sell at Rite Aid. I think they’re twenty or thirty dollars.

There’s more, I’m sure. This is just the stuff off the top of my head.

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.

Why does Trump remain atop the polls? You can still blame the media. – The Washington Post


“Just spell my name right.” That is the one and only consideration of the showman.

The graph above shows that a candidate’s standing in polls is pretty close to his percentage of daily news coverage. That is, Walker’s ten percent in the polls correlates to his ten percent of the political news coverage.

Trump has reached critical mass. People can’t stop talking about him. He’s on the surface of the sun now. His mere continued existence is self-reinforcing. He’s like me; I can’t take a crap without someone noticing, but on the other hand, not a single word of mine goes unscrutinized. And now the Future People are well aware, for example, that the federal personal income tax is a color-of-law fraud, and that there was incompatible engine hardware on Murray Street.

Maybe I’ll make allodial title my next hobby horse.

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.

Hillary Clinton hits at Republicans and basks in support at Democratic gathering – The Washington Post

MINNEAPOLIS — Hillary Rodham Clinton sought to position herself as the clear standard-bearer for Democrats here Friday, firing up a roomful of party loyalists with a call to arms against Republicans she called dangerously out of touch.


“Hi, everybody! This is a different kind of smile now because I’m back in the safe harbor of the party drone– er, I mean faithful! Yay! No one can get me here! Chris is on the surface of the sun and he forgot all about me as I ducked into the cool shadows of my blue lighting and he won’t– Wha, what, Huma? What’s that? That bastard is here already? He’s a terriss! He’s terrorizing all of us establishment retreads! I can’t even repair to the inner sanctum of Democratic Party idiots and droolers! Why can’t he ridicule Barack Obama some more?! I liked it better that way! It’s like they’re boyfriends now or something! It’s like all he does is pity-ridicule him now! What will it be like for me when I’m president?! [Ed. note: Not gonna happen.] He’ll ridicule my satanic brainstem all day long! I hate him! I’m sure glad that we made him a terriss so that he can’t have a comedy career while he just laughs and laughs and laughs, biding his time as he will, writing his memoir about how he hasn’t paid federal income tax for 20 years, much to the consternation of pure criminal trash like us! Yay! Give yourselves a hand, everyone! We went up against a professional comedian and we lost, predictably enough, considering the Eighteenth Law of Thermodynamics, which reads, and I quote –lemme find that slip of paper; I’ve got it here somewhere– ahem: ‘Chris is the comedian and he will win.”

I am America’s Senior Comedian. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.